Last month was my rock bottom on paper. 
October: 210.8 units of alcohol — the highest I’ve ever recorded. Only ten dry days in thirty-one. I relapsed on vaping. Comfort eating, bitten-down nails, almost no sleep, the full spiral. Stress hit like a freight train, and every old coping mechanism came screaming back. 

I’m not going to sugar-coat it: I felt broken. Ashamed. Like I’d let every single one of you down — and worse, like I’d let my kids and my future self down. 

But here’s what actually happened in that darkness: I finally got angry enough at the old pattern to burn it down for good. 

This month, I flipped the switch. 

As of today: 
– 17 days completely vape-free 
– 17 days completely alcohol-free 
– Nails growing long and strong again (no biting) 
– Sleep, energy, and mood are back and better than ever 

And the wild part? The external stress didn’t go away. In some ways it actually got heavier. 
But I handled it differently. 

Meditation, breathwork, daily exercise, clean eating, proper wind-down routines, and — most importantly — the deep inner work with my coach. 

We went straight into the places I used to drink and vape to avoid: childhood pain, abandonment fears, the terror of not being enough. Instead of numbing those feelings, we turned around and parented them. I’m learning to give little-me the safety, the pride, and the unconditional love he never got. That’s what “healing forward” actually feels like. 

For the first time in my life I’m not running from the past or bracing for a disastrous future. I’m standing in the present, feeling whatever shows up, and choosing a different response. 

The old me is being undone, layer by layer. 
The new me — the real me — is the parent I needed back then, and the father my kids get to have now. 

I used to think my gift was training people’s bodies. 
Now I know my real gift is showing people (starting with myself) that no matter how far you fall, no matter how ugly the relapse, you can stand back up and become someone you’re genuinely proud to be. 

October broke me open. 
November is putting me back together — stronger, kinder, and finally free. 

If you’re reading this in your own dark month, hear me: 
The fall doesn’t disqualify you. 
It qualifies you. 
Because the only people who ever truly break the chains are the ones who’ve felt them cut deepest. 

I’m not hoping to make it anymore. 
I’m making it. 

What’s your next healthy choice today? 
Make it with me. 

#BreakTheChains ❤️🔥