As 2025 draws to a close, I’m sitting here reflecting on a year that started in secrecy, shame and mostly fear, is ending in freedom, pride, and a deep sense of peace. This blog began anonymously back in July because I was terrified of what people—my clients, friends, even family—might think if they knew the full truth about my struggles. Today, I’m writing this knowing that soon, very soon, my name and face will be attached to every word. I chose to leave my fear of what others would of think of me in that cave during the winter solstice workshop with my amazing coach, Sam Adams. It’s stayed there. I’m done hiding.

This was the year I decided to become my best self—for me, for my wife, for my kids, and for everyone I train and inspire.

Where I started (July 2025):
– Heavy drinking (often finishing a bottle of wine in one sitting)
– Vaping constantly, in secret
– Chronic nail-biting
– Hangovers stealing precious time with my children
– Mental health dips that pulled me back into old habits
– Shame so heavy I couldn’t even admit these things publicly as a personal trainer

Where I am right now (December 24, 2025):
– **40+ days completely vape-free** (yes, I used nicotine pouches as a bridge—12mg/day at one point—and I’m stepping those down to zero any day now)
– Alcohol down to under 60 units this month (mostly festive, mindful moments). The Stay Dry app kept me honest, and after tonight’s traditions, I’m heading into 2026 planning zero until next winter season—if at all
– **Nails strong, long, and unbitten**—habit fully broken
– Two weeks off antidepressants, feeling steady and clear
– Caffeine intake consciously reduced (even learned decaf isn’t zero-caf!), already noticing deeper, more restorative sleep
– Weight down, clothes fitting better, energy natural and sustained
– Exercise consistent in varied forms—walks, housework, bouldering with the kids, and now building toward something big…

The biggest news: I’ve officially signed up for the **Pure Elite Athletic Physique competition in Manchester on July 26, 2026**. Stage lights, posing trunks, the works. This isn’t just about aesthetics—it’s proof. Proof that a 36-year-old husband, dad, and business owner can break decades-old chains and build something extraordinary.

This year wasn’t linear. There were wins stacked early, then a brutal rock-bottom relapse in October that broke me open. But that darkness? It was the fire I needed. November and December have been about rebuilding stronger—daily meditation, breathwork, inner work with my coach, healing childhood wounds instead of numbing them. I’ve learned to parent the little boy inside me who never felt enough. And in doing so, I’ve become the father my own kids deserve.

I’ve broken free earlier than my original 12-month contract ever imagined. But freedom isn’t a finish line—it’s a foundation.

**What’s next for 2026 and beyond?**
– Final push to **zero nicotine** (pouches gone for good in the coming days)
– Caffeine minimal or occasional—prioritising the deepest sleep possible
– Competition prep: structured training, nutrition, posing practice—bringing that lean, energetic best self to the stage
– Revealing my identity here—full name, face, story. No more anonymity. I want to show the world (and especially anyone struggling) that transformation is possible at any age, from any depth
– Sharing more: workshops, coaching, maybe even speaking. My real gift isn’t just training bodies—it’s showing people how to break their own chains

To everyone who’s read these posts, commented, or quietly followed along—thank you. You’ve held me accountable when I needed it most. You’ve reminded me I’m not alone.

If 2025 taught me anything, it’s this: progress, not perfection. Rock bottoms qualify you. Relapses don’t define you—they refine you. And true freedom comes when you stop running and start feeling, healing, and choosing differently.

I’m proud of the man I’ve become this year. 
I’m excited for the man I’m still becoming.

Here’s to 2026—clean, strong, stage-ready, and fully me.

What’s one chain you’re breaking in the new year? Drop it below. Let’s keep inspiring each other.

With love, gratitude, and zero shame— 
See you on the other side, legends.

God bless and Merry Christmas!

#BreakTheChains BestSelfJourney #MensWork #HealthyMasculinity #PersonalTrainerRealTalk

“See the dude holding the bottle? That’s me! Surrounded by an incredible, supportive, brave group of men. To my left is Sam Adams—my coach, a shining light, and an absolute Godsend on this journey.

Learn more about the program I’m currently on with Sam. I’ve had so much professional help, but this program has made the biggest impact in my life. https://liberatingmasculinity.co.uk/way-of-the-wild