78 days without a vape.
31 days without alcohol.
Six kilos down.
Nails still good.
Three or four workouts a week – pressure-free.
Coffee before midday.
Four nicotine pouches today.

Wednesday night, 7 to 9.
My coach Sam ran a workshop called Money & Meaning.
A dozen guys on Zoom.
He spoke with such clarity and wisdom – no fluff – for 15 minutes or so,
then broke us into groups of three to discuss thought-provoking questions and concepts.

My group: a video-game coder and a photographer/videographer.

First question:
What does your internal landscape look like?

I said:
It’s an endless ocean. Blue sky. I’m in the middle.
Swimming. Not really getting anywhere.
If I stop – my head goes under.
That’s my life right now. Non-stop. Busy. Full of moving parts.

One of my peers asked:
What do you want it to look like?

Lounger on the sand.
Ocean in front.
I choose when I get in.
When I get out.
No more forced swim.

One morning my daughter looked up and said:
“Daddy, can you volunteer to come on a school trip with me?”

I said:
“I’d love to, love, I really would.
But I can’t – I can’t afford the time off.”

That broke me.
That’s me stuck swimming in the ocean.

The conclusion and takeaway from the workshop:
I have a big idea that could open the doors to freedom, so fudge* it.
I need to run with it.
I’ll succeed or learn.
It’s the only way I can see myself being free on that lounger.

My one-to-one Way of the Wild program with Sam finished yesterday.
I felt sad that it had to come to an end.
It’s been such an incredible journey.
I remind myself this is just the beginning and the door’s still open if I need him.

Thursday afternoon – rheumatology appointment at RUH.
Sat in a hard chair for two hours.
Back stiff and uncomfortable.
Needles.
X-ray.
Came home empty and feeling very low.

Financial pressure piled on top — heavy and unexpected.

Work – London tonight.
Germany next weekend.
Zero breathing space.

My wife – a week ago – said:
“I think you’re going downhill.”
I said:
“I’m still exercising. No booze. No vape. No nail biting.”
She said:
“I see it anyway.”

She was right.

Yesterday and today I was lowest in months.
Anxiety creeping.
Depression knocking.

Then earlier this afternoon – first shamanic healing session with Jasmine Skelton.
I didn’t know what to expect.
She was kind. Asked how I was.
I told her I was in a very low mood.
She asked what I wanted to achieve.

I came out lighter.
Energised.
Inspired.
That low? Shifted.

Still swimming.

But now I know
the lounger isn’t a fantasy.

It’s a plan.

Mike
Johnson’s Family Fitness

#BreakTheChains #QuietWins
#MensMentalHealth
#InnerChildHealing
#ShamanicHealing
#PersonalGrowth
#HealingJourney
#DadLife

If you’re interested in exploring similar work or want to learn more about the shamanic healing I did today, here are the links:

https://www.jasmineskelton.co.uk/

https://liberatingmasculinity.co.uk/